3/12/10

Finding Hope in Constance McMillen

I knew I was gay at my senior prom.  Yet, I did not share this with anyone, not even my best friend.  Ironically, it was this very best friend who I was in love with.  I went to the prom with her younger sister's boyfriend.  Pretty twisted, huh?  I needed a date and he needed a ticket to prom.

I remember like it was yesterday welling up with tears on the buffet line in my Jessica McClinton gown.  My crush (best friend) was already in touch with her lesbianism and she 'missed her girlfriend.'  I don't if I was stricken with pain that I was not her girlfriend, or if I was simply freaking out because I felt doomed.  Surrounded by young couples dancing, kissing and enjoying one last blissful night before college, I feared I wouldn't experience that kind of joy.  I thought I would never be able to dance with the woman I loved as carefree as my straight peers.

Ironically, after years of openly experiencing that kind of teenage bliss, I am once again hiding.  Only now, instead of high school, I am in a grown-up closet filled with Navy uniforms.  Sometimes I still feel like that seventeen year old in her red ball gall, praying no one finds out who I really am.

Yesterday, Jo and I worked out at the gym on base. Despite the need to constantly keep my hands and words (honey, baby, sweetheart) in check, I love the equipment and spending extra time with my love.   I play my favorite lesbian tunes on my iPod which gives me a secret thrill.  Today, I was working out to As Cool As I Am By Dar Williams. Ironically, upon the line You tried to make me doubt, to make me guess, tried to make me feel like a little less, something on the television grabbed my eye.

Constance McMillen. I'm sure by now, you have become familiar with her name. In case you have not, she is the teen whose prom has been canceled because she asked to bring her girlfriend and wear a tux.

While I would typically rant about her school board, I only feel Hope.  Constance provides Hope in this crazy country that is denying us the right to marry, serve openly in our military, share benefits with our spouse, adopt children.  Constance, at such a young age, chose to be who she is, without fear of judgment.  She gives me Hope that in the near future we will live in a world where everyone can go to prom with who they like, dressed how they like.

I wish I could boldly stand up like her.  For now, I will smile on the elliptical knowing that this young woman is out there, changing the world for us all.  And I'll turn up my iPod and rock out, surrounded by all of the military personnel who assume I'm just another Navy Wife.


And then I go outside and join the others, I am the others. Oh--and thats not easy, I don't know what you saw, I want somebody who sees me.

3/9/10

Millionaire Matchmaker Features Bi-curious/Lesbian Date

AHHH, so excited:
http://lezgetreal.com/?p=27974

Navy Wife the Nanny

I don't lie. I have always been fortunate enough to never have to.  Until now.

Since Jo and I moved, I have been working from home. While I love writing all day, I need to supplement my income. My money troubles have been interfering with the creative process and to  be honest, I feel pretty damn guilty that Jo always takes me out. Let's remember: as a result of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, she doesn't get a penny for my existence (unlike her straight counterparts who receive additional income for their spouse and children.)

Hence, I have been MIA on my blog; instead, I have been all over Monster. Unfortunately, 
we are in a recession. Who knew? I've been away from the job search for so long, I didn't realize what slim pickings are out there.  I received a few callbacks regarding my resume, but sadly, no one who has called is paying much.

I have no service experience or I would most likely be tending bar right now. I decided to return to a job I haven't done since college, but figured it would be like riding a bike. Grabbing the classifieds 
and perusing Craig's List, I searched for a nanny position.

I found the perfect family in no time and began my new position quickly. The kids have been good. Ok, it has been challenging  to transition from young professional to professional poopy wiper, but 
we shall save that for another post. The reason I write today is to get my secret off my chest...I'm gay!

Sure, all of you know this already and could care less. But my new family has no idea. Jo is simply my roommate and I dive deeper into the closet on a daily basis. Go figure? I hoped getting a new job would get me OUT of the house. Oh, the irony.

Why didn't I just tell them? Well, for one, you never know if parents will be weird. Some actually have the false belief that we will infect their children with 'the gay.' Another huge reason I didn't share my sexuality? Jo's career. What if my new employers had friends in the military? Even if they were comfortable with my sexual identity, what if they told the wrong person about mine and Jo's relationship?

Alas, my bank account has some padding and the depression from my lonely days has subsided. But I lie, just like Jo does, about who I am. I'm finally getting up and OUT every day, only now, I'm more IN than ever.

A New Kind of Straight Bar: On Ourbiggayborhood.com

Check out my new post on a great new site: http://www.ourbiggayborhood.com/2010/03/a-new-kind-of-straight-bar/

3/3/10

DADT Repeal in Senate: Contact Your Senator TODAY


Imagine for a moment:

What would your life be like if you could not live openly with the woman or man of your choice.   This is how gays in the military, and we- their invisible partners- must live each day. We hide.

As Bridget reported earlier (read here), the Military Readiness Enhancement Act of 2010 was introduced to the Senate today.  This bill would REPEAL Don't Ask, Don't Tell. If passed, The Department of Defense would still conduct its study; however, they would be determining HOW to implement repeal and not WHETHER to implement repeal. In addition, the Military Readiness Enhancement Act would END discharges immediately.


The Senate needs to hear from you. Please take action now!!! Tell your Senators to co-sponsor and pass the Senate's Military Readiness Enhancement Act of 2010.  PFLAG has a great site to figure out who you should contact. Learn the name of your U.S. Senators, here.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell is a disgusting law that must end. Even if this bill will not change your daily life, please help us bring change to our nation.  This is an important step in all of our equal rights.