The Closet (with room for four)

I keep a box of old journals in our office to use for motivation while writing my novel.  Last night, I came across an entry I wrote a few weeks after Jo received her first active duty assignment. I was so worried prior to our big move.  It is fantastic to look back and see how far I've come in just a few months.  My worry has transformed into motivation and conviction to use my voice as an instrument of change.

Spring 2009

Dear Journal,

Having screwdrivers at the Tiki Bar, I met the woman of my dreams. Honestly, I’d been calling myself bi-sexual for years and had one girlfriend previously.  But on a hazy summer day, this girl set me on a determined lesbian path.  Everyone knew I had ‘tendencies’ but once Jo and I had our first date, I proudly waved my gay flag.

I explained to friends, “No, I really don’t miss men!”  Over Blue Moons at TGI Fridays, I told my mother, “Yes, I am sure.” More importantly, I assured her, “I have never been happier.”  Jo and I avoided the U-Haul for our first blissful year; however, I did receive a puppy for my birthday (around our 10^th month.)  Eventually, we moved in, combined books and danced barefoot in our kitchen to Sinatra.

Our first real hurdle as a couple came in the form of Jo’s first Military assignment.  We did not expect the assignment given; it is far from our families and we will know no one.  BOOM.  The Navy throws a wrench in our plans.  My real problem is not with the location; I fear the complete lack of community.  With this destination, we have many new obstacles to consider.  No friends to come over and allow us to be loud and proud in the privacy of our home.  The minute the additional miles entered the equation, the idea of long distance flew out the window.

Closet walls are re-appearing in my happy gay bubble. I see what the Navy has done for my girlfriend’s career and I know her descison is what’s best for our family; yet, I’m faced with a high level of uncertainty by committing to the future I so badly desire.  I’m supposed to be ok with it all, but I’m scared as hell. I didn’t sign up for this.  We never do I guess; we just fall in love.

But all you need is love, right?  I hope the universe brings me a walk-in closet, large enough to fit my beautiful Gay family.