It's been awhile since I just wrote. No agenda, no plea to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell...just me and my crazy thoughts about life. I can feel that I haven't been writing enough. There is a serious difference in my energy when I do.
I don't know if I've ever shared my professional background with you. Prior to moving with Jo, I had my 'dream' marketing job. The money was right, I had my own corner office and fabulous benefits. The position was exactly what I "could have been." It was the best job I have ever had, yet I was miserable. My daily professional existence sucked all of my creative drive.
I've always wanted to write in order to touch hearts and make lives better, mostly those of anyone feeling lost and lonely. I was so confused and sad during my teenage and college years. By sharing my experiences with depression and coming out, I hope that others won't feel they are on their own. And now again, I am in a situation where I often feel invisible. I write about our life under Don't Ask, Don't Tell so those of you going through it won't feel so alone. We're in this together.
With that said, I have always believed I would do this on some sort of large scale. I don't want to reach just one or two people, but really be a voice for a generation. I lost this dream for a long time. It is so fucking scary to admit that you want to go out on a limb. That you want to achieve greatness. That you want to leave everything you could be, and be everything that you are. Especially, when somewhere along the way, you may have lost yourself. Slowly but surely, I'm getting back in touch with my dreams.
And that's where we are now. Jo works crazy hours, achieving her grand dreams and providing for us so that I can achieve mine. She believes in me. Some days, lately most days, I have been letting my fear of failure (and lack of fiscal contribution) get the best of me. The only thing left? For me to believe in myself. This is the key hurdle between us and our dreams, isn't it?
So I remind you again, of the Dutchess' words, "Never try to be what you might have been or could have been other than what you should have been."
Unsure of what I "should be doing" to attain my crazy dreams, I will continue to have passion each day, write from my heart and simply be true to who I am.
