I’m always venting about the lack of equal rights for gays in the military. I pray for the day my girlfriend can Tell. But for some of you, that day may never come. There are certain professions, I am coming to find, that will always be prejudice against homosexuality. Obviously, this is also combated with the location you reside in. Can you tell there is a story coming on?
I’ve mentioned my good friend, Six. She and her partner, Lillian, live in Virginia; unfortunately, just next door to gay friendly and marriage supporting DC. Regardless, the two have a home, an adorable puppy, and a recent engagement to enter into the next phase of their beautiful life (with or without the support of their state.)
Sadly, Six does not and cannot share this life in her workplace. She is affected by a very different case of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, ” one that has never been named. Six is a teacher. She works in an inner city district, home to some narrow-minded faculty, staff and student/parent body. In fact, last year Six’s gay best friend on the job was appalled when their principal announced to the staff that She would never hire a gay person. Go figure? Two of her best teachers were playing for this fabulous team of ours.
Staying positive in difficult times is an attribute that I long to attain. Thankfully, Six is someone I typically look to for inspiration. She loves her job, her students and a private home life with Lil. She does not let her homophobic work environment get her down. Until a couple of weeks ago.
I received several calls and voicemails from my normally patient friend (most can tell you I average at least 5 days or more with a return call- something I am trying to remedy in the New Year.) I also got some nudging from her other half to get in touch with her. When we finally spoke, my view of the education system changed forever.
Six shared the story of a recent camping trip for the students in her district. Although the incident did not take place at her specific school, word of disgusting events travels fast. The teachers went as chaperons, as well as parents if they chose to attend. The trip would be one night in the wilderness.
One of the little boys had two mommies. A very homophobic district in Maryland, lesbian moms were not their biggest issue. One of these moms looked a little different; she looked a little more masculine. Parents raised concern over her attendance and participation in a sleepover in the girls’ tent (all female parents chaperoned the girls and vice versa.) Quickly, the faculty came up with a solution. The masculine mother would sleep with the boys.
Take a moment. Reread the last line. Yes, that is what I said. And yes, it is 2010.
Six asked if I was still on the line when she got to this point of the story. Normally, a complete chatterbox, I was utterly speechless. And sick to my stomach. This poor mother was being ostracized and denied a nice, memorable evening with her child. For what? Her looks? Her sexuality?
Most parents have a desire to shield their children from any pain or embarrassment. Sadly, this mother did not fight or make a scene. For the sake of her child, she left the campsite while her son slept, drove an hour home and then drove an hour back again to be there when the sunlight entered his tent.
As Six told me of her own anger, I began to cry in my kitchen. I might feel invisible as a Navy Wife, but thank God we do not have children who to feel that something is missing.
These moments in our world disgust me. When Lil and Six have children- or any of us for that matter- I want to attend field trips hand-in-hand without hesitation or fear. We must ban together to change this country’s view. I would love to see the day when Six’s principal Asks if she is married, and Six can confidently Tell. I suppose the military is not the only organization with a code of conduct in direct violation of our equal rights. We shall overcome….
