I was recently catching up with my old friend, Holly. She is straight but shared a touching 'coming out' story of her own. Although Holly has always had a strong group of gay friends, her father has always had issue with it. Recently, they had a heated discussion during which Holly finally spoke her peace. By doing so, she realized how important it is for everyone-gay or straight- to defend gay rights. I asked her to write about the experience so that I could share it with you. Below, in her own words, is how Holly finally stood up to her Born Again father.
Holly, Thank you for standing up for our community. You are an inspiration.
xoxo,
Izzy
A Straight Girl's Journey to Coming Out
By Holly Avalon
Growing up in a town right outside of Hollywood, homosexuality was not an issue. I performed in show choir (yes, exactly like the TV show Glee) throughout high school and I was around more homosexual men than straight men for my developmental years. However during these same years, my father, divorced from my mother, had remarried, and within that relationship converted from casual Catholicism to strict Born Again Christianity.
As I spent my school years in show choir, learning the importance to the song Rio, I would spend my summers entrenched in “church camp” discovering my Nine Inch Nails cassette was the devil’s work, and ritualizing the destruction of it.
My father seemed to know not to discuss my choice to have ‘gay’ friends as I was always hanging with my best gays on the weekends, and it wouldn’t have gone over smoothly if he even tried to mention his unhappiness of my choice of friends. I honestly didn’t know he was as ‘far gone’ as he was, or maybe I just didn’t want to read the signs.
However, I realized he was homophobic the day I encountered a (God forbid!) lesbian while in the presence of my father. This was about 6 years ago; I had been in the emergency room for injuring my arm. My daddy, who always came to my rescue, came to be with me. He spoke with the doctors, made me laugh while they took x-rays, and made me forget I was hurt. But all the laughs subsided when my nurse came into my ER room; she had a masculine look to her, her hair was cut very short, and stereotypically, she was a lesbian.
As we left the hospital he said in a serious tone “Did you see how she wouldn’t look me in the eye? It’s unfortunate she has chosen that lifestyle.” I was astonished! Why would she care if my father knew she was gay or not? If she didn’t look him in the eye, it must’ve been because he was giving her a strange look, definitely not because she was embarrassed that she had short hair, and a low voice. I responded to his asinine comment by just staying silent. Since that incident, I was aware of his homophobia, but never approached the subject, brushing it off due to his ignorance.
Now, six years later, this subject has crept back into our relationship, which is a pretty close one. My sister has recently followed me to the big apple, and if you think I live a ‘gay friendly’ life, she moved from West Hollywood, where her regular stomping grounds were ‘The Abbey’ and her best friend is a clothing designer (she gets all of his samples at the end of the season – no fair).
Her birthday was coming up, and I really wanted to officially welcome her to NYC in a big way. So I took her to LIPS, a very famous Drag bar in the village, which has queens serving you, berating you and at the end of the night taking lascivious pictures with you. It was an absolute blast!! And we documented it all. I posted the clean version of these pictures on my Facebook, and texted my entire family to see our outlandish festivities for the “baby of the family’s” birthday (she turned 25). Within minutes I received a text from my Father saying, “How inappropriate, I can’t believe you would text me to view these pictures.” I wrote back, “I didn’t think any were inappropriate and if I offended you I apologize.” In response all he wrote was “we must live on different planets.” I laughed this off and went on with my day.
As far as I was concerned that was the end of this exchange. A few days went by in which my father didn’t reach out to me (which was rare.) I emailed him just checking in (basically testing the water) to which I received no response for another couple days. By this time I had a feeling he was harboring some animosity towards me, and knew I should just call him and get it over with. The conversation that ensued basically became my own personal “coming out”. As a straight woman, I never had to defend my point of view on gay rights, but unfortunately, I had to aggressively express these feeling to my own father.
He began, “Listen in my community, we say hate the sin, not the sinner. But I say try to hate the sin OFF the sinner.”
I was floored. He continued by letting me know he thought Jamie, my closest gay friend, who has attended Christmas parties at my father’s house, was a good person, be he completely disagrees with his life style. I was still floored and pretty quiet, just saying uh-huh, and ok.
Dad continued, "I really tried to raise you with morals, but even at close to 30 years old, you are still embracing the homosexual community!"
This is when my cork blew. I fought back, by explaining that he need not say he ‘tried’ to raise me with morals, as I have grown to be a pretty good person. And further, I had no clue he was as passionately anti-gay as he was coming across at this point. I went on to explain, that yes, he was correct in that I do embrace the homosexual community, with wide spread open arms.
I declared, "I will march with them for equal rights, and will accept them as my equal until the day I die."
He was silent. I continued by saying, he has known since I was 12 that I embraced homosexuals, as I have had gay friends since then, and I cannot believe that after over 15 years of my ‘embracing’ their community, my mind would be changed. He shot back with the fact that I blatantly shoved my gay accepting lifestyle into his life, by posting these types of pictures on my Facebook. He also noted that none of my cousins would ever post pictures like this on their profile, only his two daughters (said in a defeated saddened voice).
At this point, I was so heated; I wanted to tattoo a rainbow flag on my back and march right into his ‘community’ and berate them for being so ignorant. How can an educated man, with a huge heart for his family be so damn ignorant?! The conversation slowly died, as I told him, I will never change my opinion on this subject, as he will never change his. He tried to ask me if I truly thought homosexuality was acceptable in God’s eyes. I was saddened to the core that he would even repeat such a sentence.
I shot back, “My God would never judge. I never intended to offend you, but I will not change my opinion on this subject, and therefore will have to shelter you from it being a part of my life, thus not sharing my entire life with you."
He agreed that this was best. Sad. So sad.
My father is happy with the end of this exchange. Happy that we ‘resolved’ this issue by my agreeing to never bring it up in front of him again. I, on the other hand, cannot stop thinking about it. I cannot believe that there are such judgmental, close minded people in this world, and yet I have one who will one day be the grandfather to my children.
Gay, straight, transgendered, bisexual, Christian, Jewish, whatever you are; stand up for the rights of HUMANS. No longer tolerate this lynch mob for homosexuality. If we continue to sweep these conversations under the rug, ignorance will abound. On this day, I am coming out of the closet! As a heterosexual woman, I believe in 100% gay rights, equality for everyone, and no more acceptable ignorance. A gay couple should be able to be married, and hold the same sacred union of men and women. Who are we to judge? Who are YOU to say no to a blessed union of love? GOD loves all. Act in the name of your GOD, and accept all as they are. The abundance of accepted ignorance in this world is sobering, and until we start fighting back, it will only multiply with new generations coming into this world.
Stand up! And those of you who are straight, and brush aside the demeaning comments of your homophobic friends, stop them in their tracks. Fight for the equality of all of your friends who have been discriminated against only for their sexual orientation! Enough is enough. This is a fight against humanity that must be won. Come out of the closet with me, and fight for equality!
