Two Lesbians and a Funeral

As I work on my first novel, you will learn more about my lesbian-or not so lesbian-past. For the purpose of today, you should know that I have not always been OUT in my family. Sure, my mom questioned why my "best friend" at 18 was the only girl who ever slept in my twin bed. My younger sisters, Dar and Charlotte, quietly speculated about my sexuality in their bunk-beds. But no one was certain what my future love life would look like.

Enter Jo. Within months of our first date, I came out-loud and proud-to my immediate family. Beyond my closest relatives, I didn't feel I needed to actually come out to my extended family (second cousins, great-aunts, ect). Up until now, Jo assumed we had a rather small family. Holidays typically involved my parents, sisters, grandparents, and usually an aunt or uncle. That's it. In actuality my grandmother was one of four and grandfather the youngest of thirteen. There are countless cousins and the cousins are having baby cousins. Unfortunately, we only get together for weddings and funerals. Sad, but true.

With this knowledge in mind, preparing for my grandmother's funeral, in an odd way, felt like we were gearing up for a family reunion. Great-aunts and distant cousins were flying in. My favorite Cape Cod Cousin would be making the long, arduous drive. The anticipation of seeing my family kept me going. Although the week of Gram's funeral was the hardest of my life, I felt blessed. Jo was granted leave. We weren't sure they would let her come, but at the last minute, my Gram must have worked her magic in Heaven. The time had come: Jo would meet the family.

At a traditional wake, the immediate family typically stays up front to greet individuals as they come to pay their last respects. Similarly, in church during the funeral mass, you walk up the aisle like a bridesmaid would. It was all so odd to me. During this personal, agonizing time, I needed to smile, say hello, and let everyone know what I've been doing for a decade (the last cousin was married in 2000 so it’s been awhile since we’ve all gotten together.)

And there was Jo; the forth, tallest daughter at the end of the receiving line. I'd been prepping her all day. Aunt V is married to Gram's brother, Dick. Betts was Gram's sister flying in with her daughter. After two years, many family members had heard something about Jo or at least the fact that I had moved far away for an un-disclosed reason. My cousin from the Cape actually bee-lined towards the casket in order to finally meet the girl who stole my heart.

It couldn’t have gone better. Jo already fit so naturally with my parents and sisters, it almost feels as though she's been with us forever. Aunt V commented that her and I were so at ease with each other. (well, duh?) I had no idea we were being so 'out' but I suppose that's what happens when you are distracted by something much more important.

Jo provided her support, both emotionally and physically during those difficult days. For some, I’m sure that type of outward same-sex affection was completely new. But everyone, from nine to ninety, embraced us, wanted to meet her, and wish us well. I know I am lucky; not all families are so supportive.

For those of you that cannot be yourself 100% of the time, persevere. It won't always be this hard. My family reunion 'coming out' day was eight years in the making. I'm officially ready to do it again under happier circumstances. Maybe next time at a big gay wedding?